Teaching Kids Good Work Ethics

“These boys amaze me.

Each morning they seem to have grown taller than they were when we said good-night the evening before.

Each morning, not only do they seem to be physically taller, but they seem to be maturing right before my eyes.

Each morning, these three boys get out of bed and do a man’s job before breakfast.

Currently we have a litter of Golden Retriever puppies. Each morning, these three boys take eleven puppies to the outside pen so they can do their duties and then they clean out the big kennel by themselves. This is not a job for wimps, or the weak of stomach. Puppies make messes…..and eleven puppies make BIG messes. These boys make sure the puppies and the kennels are clean, all messes are thoroughly cleaned up, and the puppies needs are all met.

These three boys bring Mama into the big kennel to nurse her puppies, and then they feed all eleven of her offspring and give them fresh water. They feed our grown Goldens their food, as well.

These three boys come in after doing these chores and they are responsible to clean out the wood stove, and set up the fire for the day.

I think when boys do a man’s job, they deserve some recognition.

I think they deserve a hot breakfast and maybe even a hot cup of coffee….or tea….or cocoa.

These three boys are very capable and they are learning important job skills that they can use throughout their lives.

These three boys are developing a strong work ethic and they are proud of a job well done.

They feel good about themselves after they accomplish difficult tasks.

Do they always WANT to go outside and do these difficult chores? Certainly not. Do they ever complain? They certainly have.

As a mom, I have prayed about how to motivate them…..and how to encourage them and this is why their sisters and I try to have a hot breakfast ready for them when they come in. This is why I try to join them in some of their jobs so we can talk, laugh, and work shoulder to shoulder and have fun while we are at it. This is why we switch jobs randomly too. We try to avoid burnout and give them opportunity to obtain skills in a variety of areas so they will be well rounded and capable of taking care of an entire household inside and out by the time they are ready to leave this nest. Sometimes the girls will do the puppy chores while the boys cook breakfast with me. or I’ll go outside with a couple of boys and leave a couple of them inside to help with breakfast. Sometimes the girls or I will build the fire in the morning, but on most mornings these three boys embrace the outdoor chores and enjoy coming inside to a breakfast ready and waiting for them.

These three boys enjoy helping their Dad stock pile wood in the spring, for the following fall/winter season. They love watching as Dad cuts down trees on our property and they enjoy helping chop and stack wood with him.

I love watching them from the kitchen window, or heading outside to help. It’s great exercise, fresh air, and fun working together.

This has been an especially busy season for our family. With a huge litter of puppies, there is plenty of extra work. This has made it necessary for the whole family to pull together and pick up the slack that is left while the puppy chores are getting accomplished. This means the inside chores the boys usually help with, are left to those of us who stay inside.

Our girls have done an amazing job helping out with extra laundry that the boys usually do, extra cleaning chores that the boys don’t have time for right now, and all of the kids have been flexible at switching jobs from time to time.

These girls are highly capable of preparing a delicious meal, whipping up a batch of tasty cookies, donuts, and other tantalizing treats, deep cleaning the house, organizing, and they are excellent with children. They could easily keep this household going without me.

As a family, we need to be a team.

It doesn’t just take a mother or a father to keep things running smoothly.

Any time there is more than one person occupying a home, there needs to be team work.

Proverbs 6:6-8

“Go to the ant, O sluggard, Observe her ways and be wise, Which, having no chief, Officer or ruler, Prepares her food in the summer And gathers her provision in the harvest.”

Proverbs 20:11

“Even a child is known by his doings, whether his work be pure, and whether it be right.”

If we learn how to have fun together as we work, amazing things can get done.

Sadly, I haven’t been a very good example of this over the years as I get stressed and overwhelmed by a large “to do” list, but this has also been the very thing that has stretched and grown me and illuminated areas that need to be changed in the way I function as a wife and mom. I can’t tell you how many times I have had to apologize to my family for being grumpy and driving them….instead of coming alongside them and finding joy in completing tasks together.

It’s never too late. Fortunately my family is very forgiving. We all have to be forgiving. We have to exercise grace with each other because, let’s face it….we all say and do things that need to be forgiven. I’m so thankful they love me anyway and continue to support me. We need to give this to one another, right?

This little man amazed me this morning. When I woke up, he was already outside. He took all eleven puppies out to the outdoor kennel, and cleaned the big kennel by himself. He then returned the puppies to the big kennel, came inside and cleaned out the wood stove and built the fire. He said that since his brothers have done the puppy chores a few times without him, he wanted to give them a break this morning so they could sleep a little longer.

Our kids are typical. They argue and fight. They complain about work. They procrastinate and so do I, but we are working on these areas, praying together and for one another and it’s exciting to see the kids pull together and serve each other. This isn’t the norm….and that’s why I am writing this post. I want to encourage these choices in my kids and I want them to see how much their willingness to do the tough stuff blesses those around them.

We’re all learning that working together can make the work painless….and that we can find joy and fulfillment through hard work and a job well done.

Proverbs 12:11

“He who tills his land will have plenty of bread, But he who pursues worthless things lacks sense.”

Christmas Reflections Part III

Nearly a month has passed since Christmas day. Unbelievable! I intended to upload our pictures and memories of Christmas day weeks ago and yet, life took on wings and flew into January. The wheels of time’s flight are about to touch down in February and here I am, fingers on the keyboard…..finally.

Christmas 2014 was such a different and amazing experience for our family. For many years we have hosted military families in our home or celebrated with them in their homes. We have a very limited number of family in the area and we often find ourselves on our own over the holidays. As a result we have enjoyed getting to know several other (family-free) families over the years. And for a few years consecutively, we met with some dear military friends and celebrated together. They came to our house for Thanksgiving and we went to their house for Christmas Eve. After Christmas Eve dinner, our families ventured out into their neighborhood and serenaded their neighbors with Christmas Carols, followed by hot cocoa together. The last two years we have attended the Christmas Eve candle light service at our church (Emmanuel Baptist Church) and then gone in search of Christmas lights before heading home for cocoa. Most of the time we spend Christmas Day alone at home with our kids. We wake up and enjoy a simple breakfast by the fire and my husband reads the account of Jesus’ birth from the book of Luke. The family connection time afterward is priceless every year. The kids have all said that this time with Dad, hearing him read the Christmas story, is their favorite Christmas tradition. Following Dad’s reading and family chatter/prayer time, we enjoy a fun and lively gift exchange. Finally, we all jump in the kitchen together and prepare a fun and special meal that we enjoy….together…just our family.

We switched things up a bit this year.

This past fall my friend, Siobhan, invited our family to take part in serving a traditional Christmas meal to families in our church and community who had nowhere to go on Christmas day. In all honesty, I wasn’t sure how my family would respond to that idea and to be REALLY real with you…..I wasn’t sure how I felt about it either. I mean, I look forward to our holiday traditions and I enjoy the time with our kids on Christmas, at home. It’s a fun day and it’s also restful and special. I admit, I wrestled with God a bit as I drove home that day. I struggled with the idea of giving up the warmth and fun of our family tradition. I was fearful of reaching out to people I don’t know with lives and lifestyles I’m personally unfamiliar with. I was worried that I wouldn’t know how to converse with them. As I drove, I prayed and asked God to change my heart and make it willing. I think my family’s response to the idea is the very thing God used to change my heart and illuminate the selfishness and fear that was lurking in there. I was pleasantly surprised and it warmed my heart when not only was the vote unanimously in favor of this plan, but the excitement level in our home could have nearly shaken the King Dome if it still existed. Okay…..that was a little bit of a stretch, but they really were excited, and in complete agreement.  so I contacted Siobhan and gave her the news.

I love how God works in our lives. He loves us, desires to bless us, and He is incredibly faithful. My husband suggested that we have our traditional family time on Christmas Eve day. “Mr. Think Outside The Box’s”, idea made it possible for us to serve and still enjoy our little family traditions and refuel time.  So we began Christmas Eve morning as a family around the fire with Dad reading to us from the Bible (after a quick trip to finish up a little shopping with three of the kids 🙂 ).

On Christmas Day, we arrived at the church to a bustle of excitement and activity. The tables were beautifully set and the smells from the kitchen were enough to make a full stomach growl. It was a beautiful day. Natalie and Christine provided lovely Christmas music on the piano with a little help from their friend Chloe, Rich helped with technical stuff along with Siobhan’s husband, Sam, and their son, Caleb. Our boys helped some of the other kids take signs out to the road to invite people in and I enjoyed serving food and running around with my camera capturing the beauty of the moments, the lovely faces of everyone who served and the guests who attended. Siobhan and a couple of other people went out and invited guests in from the community to enjoy a nice, warm, place to go for a hot meal and altogether, I believe we had about forty people in attendance. We made some new friends that day and heard stories that broke our hearts. We had opportunity to speak hope into people’s lives and we had opportunity to serve alongside precious people in our church…..family. We may not be blood family, but we are  family and that was evident in the love and care that went into making such a cozy, beautiful, atmosphere. It was evident that love, careful planning, and hard work went into the amazing meal,  linen table cloths, candlelight, beautiful desserts, and I think everyone’s welcoming smiles were the most beautiful part of the entire day.

God did answer my prayer and remove my fear. As I sat visiting with people and learning their stories, I learned so much and the desire to spend more time with them grew. I think that we were much more blessed than those who came in off the streets and in ways I can’t even explain.

Our kids all asked if we can do the same thing next Christmas. Who knows….maybe we can!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Christmas Reflections Part II

This was the first year in many, that our daughter Natalie, was the only one of our kids to participate in piano lessons. It was exciting to see her perform in the Christmas recital, but we sure missed seeing Christine and Tim play as well.  Hopefully after this break, they will resume lessons next year. Natalie did a great job on her pieces. She had a solo piece which you can watch here and she also did a beautiful duet with her piano teacher that you can watch here.

We have been so blessed to be able to provide piano lessons for five of our kids so far. The weekly piano drives are a sacrifice, and paying the piano bill is too, but when we hear the kids playing beautiful music and we see the discipline they’ve developed through their hard work, and watch them cry and agonize over tough concepts and pieces….yet persevere and come to the end result of amazing beauty, it’s all worth it.

Over the holiday season the girls were hired to play for the local Rotary club. They worked super hard on special pieces for it and even bought some new music. Altogether they had a couple of hours of gorgeous music planned and prepared. Imagine the disappointment they felt when they arrived and found just a small keyboard to work with. For a pianist it’s comparable to painting the outside of a house with a tooth brush, and yet they managed to pull through and bring beauty to the evening anyway. It stretched them both and we were proud of them for taking the tool that was provided and figuring out how to work with it. It meant they could only play a few of the pieces they had prepared since the keyboard was much too small to play most of them, but they managed and did well.

During the Christmas dinner our church put on for the community, our girls had the chance to use all the music they had prepared as they played the piano during the dinner. It was perfect!

Below are a few pictures of Natalie’s Christmas Recital

 

 

 

 

 

The Heart Of Hospitality

I was raised in a very active household as the only girl out of four children. Not only were we a family of six with four very active kids, but to add to the hustle and bustle of a noisy, active household, our parents opened up our home on a regular basis as hosts to a plethora of people and various activities. We had people over for dinner often. I remember my parents and hosting taffy pulls at our house when I was young and I remember our home being a stop point for part of Chinese food progressive meals my parents were involved in through our church. My Mom held music practices at our house, we had game nights, birthday parties, holiday gatherings and sometimes people just stopped by out of the blue for a cup of coffee with my folks.  My Mom often babysat extra kids. She gave violin lessons. She let us children have our friends over often. One of my favorite childhood memories is of apple cider pressing parties in the fall and I recall my Mom canning with her friends at our house sometimes, or sometime at theirs. Sometimes we had company over simple lunches of bean and bacon sandwiches or tomato soup, and I remember picnic lunches outside on the lawn with my friends.

Sunday afternoons were reserved for fellowship and/or rest. We often arrived home after church to a delicious smelling roast in the crock pot and company in tow or we were invited for Sunday afternoon meals at the homes of our family friends. My Grandparents were the same way. They were warm and hospitable, always having people over to their home and my Grandma’s cooking and pie baking were famous in their church and neighborhood.

When my brothers and I were in our teens, my parents had an open door policy for the most part. We were pretty much welcome to bring our friends home for a visit most of the time.

The art of hospitality has been virtually lost in today’s society of Starbucks coffee meetings or quick lunches out at restaurants. Don’t get me wrong, these definitely have a great value, but opening homes to guests just doesn’t happen like it once did. This subject has come up several times with a variety of people in conversations over the years and through bits and pieces from these conversations, it boils down to one thing. Intimidation. People don’t trust they have what it takes to do it.

1. They think they have to set a fancy table and have their house perfect. (Think Pinterest)

2. They don’t think they have a large enough space.

3. They aren’t blessed with cooking skills

4. They don’t think their house is “nice enough”

5. They don’t want to clean their house for company because the idea overwhelms them.

I can certainly understand those concerns, but I would like to take a minute to share what true hospitality looks like.

Hospitality is Extending the Hand of Friendship

 Anything goes; small spaces or large spaces, fancy homes or cozy, simple homes, home cooked food, or store bought food, a cup of coffee or tea, a plate of cookies (bought or baked at home), a bowl of hot soup out of a can or home made soup, a big pot of chili shared between friends, a football party with snacks and desserts, a bring your own meat backyard barbecue, sledding parties in the winter with hot cocoa or cider, grilled cheese sandwiches and soup shared between friends.

Hospitality is simply offering what you have to people you care about. It’s opening your home and letting people experience part of your world with you.  It can be very uncomplicated and ordinary OR it can be fancy. It can be a simple meal served in the living room with T.V. trays or a an extravagant meal around a table set with fine china. Move the laundry over and offer someone a cozy seat on your couch. Life is messy. Hospitality does not demand perfection.

The best part of hospitality is the warmth of the gift of caring. We have been invited into many homes over the years and I have enjoyed each one. I love a beautiful table set with china and crystal, but I love the parties where a hot bowl of chili  was served while we ate at T.V. trays just as much. The point is to enjoy people. Show love. Have fun and create memories.

I loved being in the kitchen with my Grandma on holidays. It was so much fun talking, laughing and helping her set the table and bake cookies and pies. I loved helping her make the gravy, or potatoes, or Jello or whatever she let me help her with. I just loved being at Grandma’s house. I felt at home there. I felt wanted, loved, and cherished. Those were great relationship building times between my Grandma and me and now that she is gone, I will cherish those memories forever.

This past week-end, we had a very busy week-end, packed with hospitality opportunities at our own house. We don’t usually have quite so many people over in one week-end, but we had company on Friday night, Saturday afternoon and Sunday after church. If there is one thing I have learned over the years that makes hospitality enjoyable, it’s the word “simplify.” It really is the name of the game. We kept the meals nice, but simple. We prepared ahead. Most importantly, we had fun in the process.

  Four years ago I received my Grandma’s beautiful china from my Mom. Since my fifteen year old daughter had gotten a cleaning and organizing bee in her bonnet last week, my china hutch and silverware were so fresh and pretty in the cabinet that it gave me a desire to pull them out and use them. The boys were busy cleaning windows, scooping and cleaning the yard, cleaning the bathroom, helping with food prep and running any errands I asked of them.  The girls and I had a great time together as we prepared food, baked cookies and made little chocolate/peanut butter candy desserts for our company. We swept the floor, mopped it, teased each other and laughed our heads off together in the process.  We had music playing, candles lit, and the table turned out beautiful. I don’t own a fancy table cloth, so we didn’t use one. We used what we had. Our crystal glasses don’t all match. Our silverware doesn’t even all match, but we set it all out there anyway.  We have very different dietary needs than we had growing up, so our meal was entirely gluten free, egg free and healthy, but it was beautiful and delicious. The table all set with my husband’s family silver, my Grandma’s china and the crystal wedding gifts from our own wedding held a life time of beautiful memories for me.

Teaching your children how to be hospitable is another good reason for having people into your home. They learn how to make things special. They begin to appreciate all the little details that go into it and they learn to serve and give. When we all work together, we can make a fancy or a simple evening come together very fast and with plenty of fun involved. They also learn to appreciate the hospitality others show us.

“Be hospitable to one another without complaint.” 1 Peter 4:9

“Contribute to the needs of the saints and seek to show hospitality.” Romans 12:13

“Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers, for thereby some have entertained angels unawares.” Hebrews 13:2

“The islanders showed us unusual kindness. They built a fire and welcomed us all because it was raining and cold.” Acts 28:2

    

Home…..It’s Where My Heart Is

I haven’t had nearly enough time at home this week. As a wife and mom who has the honor of being a household engineer, I love my career. I love being home with my kids. I love creating healthy, delicious, nutritious meals, reading to my kids and overseeing their education. I love it when the laundry is all caught up and everything is in order. I love how rested and refreshed I feel when the majority of the week is spent at home, staying on top of my home responsibilities.

When I am gone too much, I feel uneasy inside. It feels like my responsibilities are neglected and life is just undone. Some weeks spending time away from home is inevitable, though and this has been one of those weeks. Every outside activity we were involved in was good and we are all glad we have plenty of opportunity for socializing, ministry and educational experiences outside of the house. What a blessing it is to have so many options. When I started home schooling our older girls twenty-five years ago the options were not nearly as plentiful. Cabin fever was our biggest problem then.

Yesterday we had the morning together and we lit our woodstove for the first time this season. As a result we discovered that we have a very large crack in the glass on one door. Fortunately we were able to order new glass for that door which should arrive within seven to ten days and that means our wood stove should be good to go before the really cold weather arrives. Anyway, that being said, it was wonderful to snuggle up to the warmth and coziness of a beautiful fire on a chilly fall day and just stay home. The kids and I enjoyed some time reconnecting without feeling rushed.

This morning we were reading in the book of James together. The passage was James 1:19-25 which says

“Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; 20 for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God. 21 Therefore put away all filthiness and rampant wickedness and receive with meekness the implanted word, which is able to save your souls.

22 But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves. 23 For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man who looks intently at his natural face in a mirror. 24 For he looks at himself and goes away and at once forgets what he was like. 25 But the one who looks into the perfect law, the law of liberty, and perseveres, being no hearer who forgets but a doer who acts, he will be blessed in his doing.

After we read the passage we broke it down and talked about what it means and ideas of application to our daily lives. I love hearing how our kids think and today our youngest little man who will be eight next week said that “it’s easy to think we are doing okay and everyone around us is being mean or ugly, but just like when Eve took the fruit and ate it in the garden and she passed it to Adam who decided to eat it, so sin has been passed down to all of us and we get angry easily because we jump to conclusions when we think other people are being angry and mean so we get angry and mean to them just like they were to us and that is how sin gets passed along from person to person.” I thought his comprehension was pretty good. After he thought about the meaning behind being quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry in the context it is written (in relation to our reaction to God and His law), he drew the connection to how quickly we can respond in sinfulness because we don’t take the time to find out the truth about whatever we are reacting to. We only gather a little bit of information and we make assumptions, then react accordingly. How contrary that is to what the passage tells us we should do and how amazingly different our relationships would be if we were to put those words into practice daily.  As a mom I see these crazy reactions often when our sinfulness bumps into someone else’s sinfulness and there is an explosion. An argument erupts and ugly words are exchanged.  Usually this happens simply as a result of misunderstandings, miscommunications, agendas getting ruined, personal space is invaded and the list goes on. Just this morning when one of my boys stepped out of the shower he realized that he had forgotten a clothing item, so he wrapped a towel around himself and ran into his room to attain that item. His brother seized the opportunity to run into the now vacant bathroom, where he grabbed the rest of his brother’s remaining clothing items and hucked them out the door into the hall before locking himself inside. My freshly showered, son experienced instant anger towards his brother and reacted accordingly, so after he was fully dressed we sat down and had a little chat. For all appearances, it sure looked like his brother was being a pill, but after asking my squeaky clean son several questions and presenting a possible scenario that his brother may have simply needed to use that bathroom and had no time to spare before he had an accident, and could it be possible that he was trying to be kind by hurling his brother’s clothes into the hall so he would have them available to him to finish dressing? Maybe he couldn’t kindly communicate his need and neatly hand the clothing items off to his brother because nature was calling him RIGHT NOW and there was no time to spare. In that scenario, I asked him if he would still be angry and he said that he wouldn’t be angry. He hadn’t thought about a physical need as a possibility for his brother’s seemingly rude behavior.  Jumping to conclusions and assuming the worst in each other is very common and as my son and I chatted, I shared with him that I struggle with that too and I have learned some hard lessons by my instant assumptions. The damage this can cause to relationships is not good and when we get behind the behavior and discover the reason for our own reactions it’s almost always sparked by fear and/or personal preservation. All we can see is our own self. Our own needs. Our own desires and that someone blocked the fulfillment of our plan. If we would take the time to re-train our thinking through prayer and scripture reading daily and if we were to ask God to help us see others through His eyes, and if we were to apply what we read today to our relationships as well,  by being quick to listen (ask them what their perspective was and seek to understand their actions instead of assuming we know why they behaved the way they did), slow to speak (or lash out) and slow to become angry (by believing the conclusions we have jumped to), we could probably save ourselves and our loved ones a lot of pain. Learning to see things from another’s perspective is a good quality to begin teaching our kids while they are young. Teaching them to consider possibilities outside their own perspectives could save them and their friends/family/co-workers a lot of turmoil as they grow older and help them to be more sensitive to other’s needs and desires.

I heard my son apologize to his brother for his angry reaction after he emerged from the bathroom and I also heard my other son ask forgiveness for the way he treated his brother’s clothes and took over the bathroom. “I had to go to the bathroom and I didn’t have time to explain,” he confessed.

I honestly didn’t know that was why he behaved the way he did, and I was prepared to have a little chat with him as soon as he came out, so it was one of those sweet/funny moments for me as I quietly observed their conversation from the adjoining room.  One of my sons chose humility by admitting his behavior was wrong and seeking forgiveness for his actions. As a result, his brother also sought his forgiveness and later on in the afternoon they were having Nerf Gun wars and laughing together.

This is just one of the many reasons time spent at home is so important to me. How else can I connect with my kids in this way? How else can we grow together and encourage one another? How else can we see character issues that need loving, firm and kind attention? We need to spend time together at home. I’m so grateful that God has given me the gift of being their mom and the ability to teach them at home. Today all the kids have completed their school for the day, laundry is almost all the way caught up, the house is clean, I have managed to take care of some computer business I needed to attend to, I had the pleasure of creating a delicious, nutritious lunch that we all sat around the table and enjoyed with their Dad. It’s been a good day at home today and now it’s time to make dinner. but before I do, I’ll leave you with a few pictures from our week.

 

The boys tend to have a lot more energy than our girls do, so periodically they need to get some wiggles out. Sometimes we just stop everything and get a little P.E. in and they enjoy building big muscles through push ups and they love a good jumping jack competition too.

 

I caught my daughter taking a selfie with my cell phone, so being the mature mom that I am, I kind of photo bombed it. Yes….I’m “that” mom.

We had some of our grandkiddos and our little grandpuppy over yesterday. Nama’s camera came out and started shooting pictures of Auntie Christine with Hailee and her new little puppy, Rory.

 

And…..Auntie Natalie with Cooper!

The two younger boys and I are reading “Little House on the Prairie” and the other day we all snuggled up on our king size bed to read. It was a cozy, rainy day and we all enjoyed some tea while we read…..and of course we had to take an “usie!”

And…..that’s a wrap!

Letting Go Of Birds From the Nest

Today is my oldest daughter’s 29^th birthday. It’s been a day of reflection for me as I have looked at pictures and remembered her babyhood, childhood and the blur of her escape from teen years into adulthood. When our children start to sprout wings and fly away, parents and especially moms often struggle. There is such joy and pride when our kids reach adulthood. We have such hopes and dreams for them. I think it’s especially difficult for moms to let our daughters go and be who God designed them to be, go where God calls them to go and do the mission He calls them to do; the mission He has planned for them since before the foundation of the earth. Sometimes the temptation to hold on even tighter when we should be letting go is very strong.  It can be especially strong when they don’t embrace the beliefs, values and morals we do because we truly want what is best for them and it hurts to see the consequences of their choices when they aren’t healthy ones.

I had dreams for my kids that I didn’t even realize existed until they didn’t come to pass and I had to struggle with disappointment. I always thought we would live near each other, get together for holidays, have them over for dinner regularly and be invited to their homes for dinner too. It hasn’t exactly worked out that way so I found that I had a choice to make. I could be hurt over that, or I could admit that those were my own expectations and not rights, and let those expectations go. I realized early on that I don’t have the right to control their lives and that I could either be thankful for the time we do have together, or hurt all the time that we don’t have more time together. As hard as it is to face this fact, the truth is that it’s not about me. It’s about what God has planned for their lives separately from the plan He has for ours. Ultimately they aren’t here to serve us or fulfill us. They are here to serve God and fulfill His plan for their lives. I am not here to be served and fulfilled on this earth. I am here to serve God and fulfill His plan for my life and sometimes that means that things don’t look as rosy as our dreams. The older I get, the more I am aware that this life is not meant to fulfill. Only Christ can fulfill us. We aren’t meant for this earth. We are meant for eternity. This life is but a blip on the radar screen and will be over before we know it. What kind of legacy do I want to leave? A legacy of selfishness and whining over unmet expectations, or a legacy of love and sacrifice out of service to God?

 

For the majority of my life I was cruising down the winding Whiner Road, freaking out over every unexpected and unplanned twist and turn in my life. Every hill and valley were unpleasant experiences and the tearful traveling was taking a toll on me. I grew to despise myself, my total weakness and the bitterness that had planted deep roots in my heart. At that point, I cried out to God and I began to grasp the ugliness of my sinfulness and the gratefulness for the sacrifice Jesus made on the cross for my sin became even more beautiful to me than ever before. At that point I began to see how much God in His Sovereignty can be trusted and depended upon and at that point I began to realize that I was a control freak who was spinning out of control. I needed to apply the wisdom of God’s Word to my life every day. I needed to saturate my mind with the truths of the scriptures and look to God for direction. Proverbs 3:5-7 became my daily focus. I became fully aware that I have no rights with my friends or family and that means my kids too.

We tend to view them as “My kids,” forgetting they aren’t really. I mean, they are our kids, but they are God’s kids, ultimately and it’s especially difficult to let go of the “right” to speak into their lives. But unless they ask for it….once they are adults, the best way we can love them is to let them go and pray for them, trusting them to God and trusting Him for the outcome.

It was a time of conflicted feelings and insecurity for me, when my older daughters ventured out on their own, got married and our roles changed. Trying to figure out what that relationship was supposed to look like created such an uncertainty in my mind and heart. I quickly learned that God can be trusted and that He had a whole new journey for me as well as for them. It was an exciting time, once I realized that.

 

Parent/child relationships don’t all look the same and while your good friend may have kids who live next door and they do everything together, another friend may have kids in the military or on the mission field, or living in another town, state, or country. Still another person may have kids living in the same town, yet they rarely see each other. It’s important not to compare our families/kids to the lives of others or dream of having what they have because that is not the life you are called to necessarily and may not fit the plan God has ordained for you or your kids.

 Some kids grow up with strong independent streaks. Even if you find yourself navigating rough waters with your adult kids, they are still your kids. Even if they rebel….they’re still your kids and even if they fight it tooth and nail, there is still a bond there that is deep and strong and God ordained. Nothing can change that. Even if the worst case scenario comes true and they choose to never speak to you again, deep within their hearts is a bond they cannot break.

 God uses this bond to drive us to Him because sometimes it’s pain that brings us to the realization that we need help and that help can really only be found in Him. Once we realize that our kids are not an extension of us, but are separate individuals who have a different mission/purpose in life than ours, it’s amazing what can happen. When I realized that I was expecting to be fulfilled by my kids…by motherhood, I also had to admit that this was a huge idol in my heart that needed to be taken down. Rebellion in one of my kids was the vehicle God used to make this clear to me. I had visualized a perfect life here on earth and she was part of that life. She was part of my fulfillment. My world came crashing down when she was fourteen and she began to rebel. God never intended us to be fulfilled here on earth or by other human beings. Only HE can bring that fulfillment. I had to let her go and trust her to God and let Him work on me, changing me and it has been tough. Yet so very good.

Throughout their childhoods our kids have looked to us for approval and support. As adults, they need our approval and support more than ever, but they may not even realize it themselves. They need to know that when they don’t ask for advice and when they make important decisions without us…good or bad, that we support them and that if they mess up, we are there to encourage them.

If they are secure that you support them in their new freedom as adults who make their own decisions, and they know you understand that their loyalty is still there, but different than it was when they were kids; If they see you step back, and encourage them to be that person God has called them to be, fulfilling the mission He has for them, a new relationship will be formed that is different, stronger than ever and precious. If they know you are willing to let them go and encourage them in the process and if they see that you believe they are able “do life” without your approval, advice and constant hovering, as a general rule they will appreciate and respect you more than ever.

 

When our kids reach adulthood, it is such a bittersweet time for moms. We have entered a brand new phase of life and it’s tough at first. There is a grieving process as we say good-bye to a mission we have been called to since our children were born and embrace a new mission that we are not sure of just yet. My two grown daughters have been out of the home for nine years now, and we still have five kids at home. I have not done everything right with my grown kids….and we have had communication breakdowns and have navigated very rough waters….in fact I’m still sailing through some rough waters with one of them, but God is the one doing the navigating now. Not me. He can be trusted completely. Keeping my eyes on Him and trusting my kids to Him is key. It is tough. It is painful. It is necessary and He is faithful. He has put a guard over my mouth and my heart. As time marches on it gets easier to let them go and trust Him.

Most importantly, if your child is married, moms….it’s time to back off completely and let them come to you. You have entered a whole new dimension in your role as mom. Now your role is as a support system, rather than a daily guide. Allow them to grow as adults, bonding with their spouse, without worrying about what you think or about hurting your feelings, or disappointing you. It’s time to back off and give them space. The best gift you can give them is to pray for them and embrace the brand new, beautiful relationship you can now have with them on an adult level. It’s truly a beautiful thing.

 

Kicking off the First Day of School Without Kicking Your Kids!

It’s that time of year again. Summer is coming to a close, Labor Day is behind us, and the new school year has welcomed us with open arms.

We kicked off our first day of school with plenty of rain, cooler temps and an electrical storm.

Perfect!

Our dining room is the hub of the house and is bustling with activity from dawn (sometimes even before dawn) to dusk during the majority of the year. Throughout each day it is rare to see table’s surface as it’s usually cluttered with books, pencils, crayons, markers, food, cups, plates and whatever else happens to make it’s way there. It was clean this morning, so I snapped a few pictures to remember later, what it looks like during the “off season.”

 

 

 

 

 

Overall it was a very positive first day and all the kids were on board with the new schedule. We had a few minor glitches (AKA arguments), but they were quickly resolved (maybe because of the first day excitement? I don’t know, but you won’t find me complaining!) and we were able to get back on task. Last year the younger boys did their classes via DVD, but this year thier ole mom is back in the saddle teaching them again and what a great morning we had together! We started off snuggled up together in the living room as I read a chapter from “First We have Coffee” to them. Of course, you can’t read or listen to that book without sipping on a fresh, hot cup of coffee of your own,(wink) so we all had our own cups to sip from and wrap our hands around as we read. Next up?  Reading. We reviewed phonics with flash cards and they read aloud from their readers. After that we had a little history lesson as we read a chapter of “Little House in the Big Woods” by Laura Ingalls Wilder, together. From there, we did Language lessons, penmanship, science, spelling, cooking, and arithmetic. It was a wonderful morning and such a blessing to spend all that time with my boys.

 

Traditionally, I gather the kids together to take a “first day of school” picture, so after our family devotions, breakfast, and morning chores, they all assembled by the piano and let Mom have her moment.

 

 

 

 

I randomly shot pictures of each of the kids, busy at work.

The dining room table’s “normal” look

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Natalie made Ants on a Log for morning snack.

 

Noah was my lunch helper. We made Stuffed Bell Peppers, served with watermelon. Lunch was delicious and we had a great time chatting in the kitchen together as we worked. One of my favorite things about teaching our kids at home, is the time we get to be together. This is a big deal for me. I really love being with my kiddos, even though that means I break up a lot of arguments, work through some serious attitudes at times, deal with a lot of messes, and there is always some sort of drama at least once a day, I’m thankful for the freedom to be with them and to teach them.

 

 

 

Rich gets to join us for lunch every day, which is really nice. It’s a great opportunity to catch up on each other’s mornings and for the kids to touch base with their Dad. We really enjoy the family meal in the middle of the day too, since we usually workout in the evening and have Shakeology for dinner.

 

 

 

After lunch, everyone helped with the cleaning up process and then we tackled the last class of the day…..arithmetic!

The boys found a little surprise in their math drawer/folders. They thought it was pretty cool that they got to enjoy some veggie chips while they worked on their math assignments.

The first day is over. Only 169 days left to go! 🙂  We’re off to a good start and I intend to take full advantage of their “beginning of the year enthusiasm”. I have a plan to hopefully avoid burnout this year and some great field trips planned for the younger boys. Hopefully it will be a success!

The most important key for daily success in home schooling for our family is devotions first thing in the morning, before we do anything else and before Dad goes to work. When we meet as a family with God, before we do anything else, it’s amazing the difference it makes in attitudes, communication, and in a “team” mentality. We really are blessed to have that freedom in this country.

I hope everyone else had a good first day. How did it go? Did you implement anything new and different?

One last picture at the end of the day. I love seeing our kids studying together around the dining room table. It means learning and family togetherness are going on at the same time.

Mother’s Day Musings

Mother’s Day

Somehow it brings feelings of expectation and I don’t know about other moms, but I fight it every year. This year, I really felt convicted that my focus needs to change. It’s not really about me….it’s about celebrating my Mom and the beautiful children and grandchildren God has given me. I knew I wouldn’t hear from my oldest daughter yesterday, so I was prepared for that, but I wasn’t prepared to be assaulted by an invitation to my own personal pity party. It showed up in the afternoon, after church and in the form of emptiness. We had enjoyed a quick lunch and after the hustle and bustle of the morning had passed, I was sitting in the sun when hot tears showed up, uninvited. It happened during a quiet moment after I saw all the sweet things people were saying about their mothers on social media……and there were no messages for me. My other grown daughter honors me on a daily basis and we share a very special friendship. She is a very busy mother to five children of her own and an excellent one, at that. I really had no expectations at all regarding hearing from her on Mother’s Day, but sincerely  hoped she would be honored and blessed by her family. I really didn’t want her to have to worry about “me” on Mother’s Day, but to enjoy her husband and her children. She had wished me a happy Mother’s Day in a text earlier in the day, but somehow, unexpectedly,  I felt a stinging stab of disappointment that there was nothing more. No special mother’s day dinner, or visit from grandchildren, or anything out of the ordinary, really. Yeah….I know, pretty pathetic. A few minutes earlier, the kids had been fighting over who “had” to clean the kitchen after lunch while I was busy trying to get all the food prepared for the afternoon meal, ahead of time, so we could maybe go for a walk or something without having to rush. I had visualized all of us working together in the kitchen, prepping the meal, but instead, the kitchen was a mess and the kids were fighting. As I sat in the sun, feeling the warmth of it on my face, my littlest guy came out and plopped himself down next to me, chattering away. He told me he loved me. He climbed up in my lap for a snuggle, all the while talking about whatever came to his mind and peppering the conversation with “I love you, Mommy” and “Happy Mother’s Day.” His rosy cheeks and happy grin were so bright and alive with the joy of life. My husband came out, sat down behind me and began massaging my neck and shoulders. He wanted to know what I would like to do for the rest of the day and if there was any particular movie I might want to watch with the family later. God was the only one who was aware of my pity party and He met me right there through my husband and my little boy. I suddenly felt rather foolish for the selfishness that had invaded my thoughts a few minutes before and I knew my focus had once again, gotten way off track. As I sat there with my head on my sweet man’s lap, feeling the comfort of his strong hands massaging away the stress that had settled in my shoulders, I felt so loved and cherished. Between his sweet thoughtfulness and Levi’s innocent chatter and cuddles, all that I have to be thankful for was illuminated. We decided to take the kids and our dogs to our favorite place to walk/jog/hike, as a family and enjoy the beautiful, warm, sunshine. I jumped up, feeling rejuvenated and headed in to get ready. When I entered my bathroom, there they were…….the missing mother’s day messages I had been quietly grieving over a few minutes prior.  Taped to my bathroom mirror were the most beautiful, yellow sticky notes I had ever seen! Each one filled with sweet, simple, messages from the kids and there were more on my jewelry box. Noah made me a sweet gift during Sunday School and presented it to me. I was once again reminded that these are the reasons I celebrate Mother’s Day. It’s not about whether or not they notice anything I do for them. It’s not about them celebrating me. It’s not about being fulfilled by them, but rather being grateful FOR them. It really is the simple things that get to my heart. The little acts of kindness, the simple gifts and the gentle hugs, all served their purpose in humbling me and reminding me of where I need to focus. My focus needs to be on God, the Giver of all gifts and not on myself or the gifts themselves. I felt foolish for the few minutes I entertained selfish thoughts as guests at a pity party I really never wanted. It’s amazing how quickly our thoughts can deceive us into feeling sorry for ourselves when we have so much to be grateful for.

“Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. “I Thessalonians 5:18

The rest of the day was wonderful. We walked, jogged, laughed, played and I enjoyed capturing the moments and all the beauty in them, through the lens of my camera.

 

 

I am a country girl at heart….born and raised in a very small town, surrounded by farm land. I spent many happy childhood days on dairy farms and as I have mentioned before, I can’t resist barns and old outbuildings. They hold a certain beauty for me that I can’t even explain.

 

One of the reasons I love this trail is because of the old buildings and the horses with their riders that often share the trail with us.

 

    

  

 

 

  

Toward the end of our hike, we climbed the little hill, rounded a corner, and the kids could hear the creek. Woops of excitement filled the air. Every single one of them, teens included, let go of all their usual inhibitions and played in the creek like they were six years old again. It was the most beautiful scene and the air was filled with the treasured sounds of my children’s voices laughing and squealing and loving life. This will be one of the sweetest Mother’s Day memories for me. I know that there are only a few more years left with all five of these kids in our home and days like this Mother’s Day are to be treasured and cherished. Watching them play was like drinking an ice cold glass of water on a hot summer day. It filled my cup to overflowing.

 

Nobody’s hair was combed. Everyone was scrubbed out in comfy, old clothes and nobody cared.

   

Our beautiful Golden Girls had a great time chasing sticks and playing in the water. Water for them, is like heaven for us.

    

 

 

My Treasures and me. 🙂

  

Natalie took a few pics of her Daddy and me. I’m sporting my “big hair” look…evidence of a the wind playing hairdresser. When the wind finishes it’s work, the end product is something similar to Bozo the Clown. This is part of who I am and although it’s not my favorite look, it is the look of a carefree and fun day, so I am going with it. 🙂

After a simply lovely day in the fresh air and sunshine, we grilled up some delicious, organic cheeseburgers and ate them with sautéed mushrooms and apples, home made guacamole, and a delicious pesto Caprese salad.

My Mother’s Day gifts

When I woke up the next morning, my daughter, Brandi had posted this photo collage with me holding her as a little toddler, me with her daughter, Hailee and a picture of all of my kids together a few years ago. She posted it along with the most beautiful words written to me, and her mothers-in-law (she has been blessed with two of them). I was and am, completely humbled.

“I’ve been so afraid of wishing my mothers a public happy Mother’s Day in fear I wouldn’t be able to stop writing! But here it goes anyway, so bear with me All 3 of these women have been single moms at one point or another, endured abuse of different sorts, worked jobs they hated in order to provide for their children, made painful sacrifices, pushed through counseling, and rose above it all. Mom, you have went above and beyond the call of motherhood. You have not been perfect, but you have been a constant… You have been unwavering in your faith, in your friendship, and your hospitality. Your relationship with Jesus and how you poured His love into us as children is the reason I am still married today. It is a part of the reason I have 5 beautiful children and one of the reminders to me to “Rise, and shine, and give God the glory” every morning, even when circumstances and society tells me I should be depressed, fearful, insecure, etc. I love you just doesn’t do it justice- I literally have eternal life because of your example of faith, perseverance, and of what a Godly woman looks like. I love that we can hash out the past, even when it is so painful, and grow stronger in Christ together because of the ability to be honest and humble with one another as Christ is so gracious with us. Betti– people’s jaws drop when I tell them you live with us and “it’s a good thing,” because apparently having a good relationship with your mother in law is rare. I remember the very first moment I met you, and how welcoming you were. You have a gift in making people feel safe and comfortable around you. I can’t thank you enough for your support in the marriage to your son, and all the hours you spent on the phone with me when we were struggling and you lived states away. You are a fantastic Oma and a pretty dang good roommate… And when you’re not, we can duke it out over a good yell, cry, and laugh, bahahahaha! Cindy, you astound me. I can’t really describe the love I feel towards you. The lady I first met is not the lady I know today. I am sad that the circumstances that brought us closer together were what they were, but I’m thankful for the relationship that bloomed because of it all. I relate to you on so many levels and have greatly enjoyed our long conversations over the years. Divorce sucks, but I gained one extra kiss a** mother in law because of it;) a diamond in the rough;) I feel a bit spoiled to have 3 wonderful mother figures that I can HONESTLY & truly call my friends.”

“Lay not up for yourselves treasures upon earth, where moth and rust doth corrupt, and where thieves break through and steal” Matt 6:19

I did not deserve such sweet and loving words from my daughter. I can’t tell you how humbled I really am by such a gift from her. I am truly blessed to have the honor of being the mother of seven beautiful blessings.

I leave you with this song about counting your blessings. I love the words.

 

 

Counting my blessings and preaching the Gospel to myself daily…..helps keep my mind and heart in the right place.

From Babies to Thank You Notes

I can’t resist my grandson’s chubby little cheeks.

And….I can’t resist taking pictures of his handsome little face.

It’s the little things in life that fill my heart with gratitude and joy.

Baby kisses, chubby little cheeks and first steps on wobbly legs. Who doesn’t smile and laugh at the wonder of a baby’s firsts?

I smiled and laughed at the wonder of her firsts too. My gratitude for the honor of being her mother has been well documented in photo albums spanning the past fifteen years since she was birthed into our arms.

I documented her fifteenth birthday, her piano talents and the removal of the braces she wore for two and a half years in my last post.

Yesterday we received this sweet card in the mail. It was so unexpected. It was so mature and such a gift to us, her parents. It was probably the best gift we’ve ever received from her in its honest, thoughtful, simplicity and sincerity.

It’s the little things in life. To know she grasps and understands the sacrifices we made so she could have straightened teeth and a jaw that lines up, really means a lot.

We didn’t say anything about it. We couldn’t imagine NOT giving her that gift. It’s what parents do for their children when they are able, right? It took me back, actually, to our two older kids. They needed braces and we were unable, at the time, to provide them and it hurt our hearts to not be able to give them that gift. Fortunately, they didn’t need them to the extent Natalie did and we are grateful that we  had the means to provide them for her.

This little thank you note….brought tears to my eyes. With the prevailing entitlement mentality in our society today, it was refreshing to learn that she didn’t take it for granted. She didn’t think we owed it to her to fix her teeth. She didn’t think she deserved it just because she is our child. She views her new jaw line and straightened teeth as a gift to be received with gratitude. This note represents maturity. It represents a grateful heart and it represents the short amount of time we have left with her here. It hurts my heart and fills it with joy at the same time.

From that chubby, adorable little baby to a fifteen year old sending a thank you note….it all went by so fast.

Next year, she’ll be driving and I’m not sure I’m ready to even think about that.

Hold them close with open palms…..because you may get a thank you note in the mail before you know it too….and you will wonder how your baby grew up so fast.

 

 

She’s fifteen Already….Where Did The Time Go?

Our little girl turned fifteen the other day.

The time has flown by and she has grown up so quickly.

While she was taking part in a thirty hour famine with the youth group, the boys and I got busy in the kitchen baking her cake and making a delicious birthday dinner to welcome her home and celebrate her life.

We made her favorite cake.

Gluten-free, egg free, soy free….chocolate cake with chocolate frosting.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Noah made the frosting, pretty much all by himself. He read the directions and followed them.

He thought running the hand mixer was pretty cool.

The organic, whole chicken fryers we made. We seasoned them with Himalayan salt, organic no salt seasoning, and oregano.

We made Natalie’s favorite: gluten-free, garlic mashed potatoes.

After cooking and mashing the soft golden potatoes, we added a cube of butter, four cloves of fresh, minced garlic, Himalayan salt, organic no-salt seasoning, and some almond milk to the Kitchen Aid mixer and whipped them up until they were soft and creamy.

Stir fry veggies go great with a delicious chicken dinner.

After fasting for thirty hours, the girls were pretty thrilled to walk in the door to a birthday dinner and dessert. It was a really fun and special night.

I took Natalie out for a mother/daughter date for her birthday gift and she got to pick out some new summer clothes. We had a great time, complete with a pit stop to Jamba Juice. 🙂

On her actual birthday, Natalie, Christine and Tim all played piano for a fund raising event for the music teacher’s association and afterwards, we dropped the rest of the kids off and took Natalie out to dinner. Rich and I love to treat each of our kids, individually on their birthdays. It’s such a precious time for all of us and it gives us opportunity to enjoy each of them one-on-one. We had a great time out at Red Robin and Natalie kept us laughing with her hilarious sense of humor throughout the meal.

She and Christine attended the last Bible study of the season for their youth group that night and were treated to ice cream by their leader. I think Natalie really enjoyed her special day and we enjoyed celebrating her. What a blessing she is to our family.

I took some pictures and video of the dessert fund raiser.

If you would like to see the video of Christine and Tim’s pieces, just click here.

 

Natalie played a duet with her piano teacher and played a solo piece. Click here to view them.

Two and a half years ago, Natalie had braces put on and the day after her birthday, she ended her relationship with those appliances and had them removed.

Below is a picture of her just before she had them applied.

Before we headed out for her removal appointment we took one last picture of her with her braces and we took a couple of more after they were removed.

      

Each day with each one of our kids is a treasure. Each year as we celebrate their birthdays, we realize how blessed we are to enjoy each one of them and their unique personalities. Natalie has matured and changed a great deal in this past year and we can’t believe we only have a few years left with her in our home. I want to embrace each day and enjoy this time while our family is still as it is today.

Don’t miss out on one minute of your children’s youth…..it will be gone before you know it.