Be My Guest

We will celebrate our seventeenth wedding anniversary next month.

We were married just a few days before Christmas and spent our honeymoon nestled away with hot cocoa, a fire place, a whirl pool tub and a beautiful log bed all cozied up in a sweet little bungalow surrounded by mountains in the beautiful little town of Leavenworth, Washington. The town was all lit up for Christmas. Children were sledding in the snowy glow of Christmas lights and we had a wonderful time snow shoeing and holding hands as we walked through the town looking for the perfect Christmas gifts for our family and friends and enjoying delicious food in romantic restaurant settings. What a wonderful way to start out our new life together.

For a wedding gift, my Mom hand knitted a gorgeous bedspread for us to use in a future guest bedroom and I have looked forward to the day we could finally put it on a bed for our guests.

Our marriage began with children and the Lord has added more to our numbers along the way. My older daughters were nine and eleven when we got married and just sixteen and a half months into our marriage we were blessed with Natalie. Twelve and a half months later we welcomed Christine. Fourteen months after that we welcomed Tim. A little over three years later we were blessed with Noah and twenty-four months after he joined us, Levi entered the scene. Needless to say, a guest bedroom has not been a priority for our growing family.

This last summer we enjoyed quite a few weekends packed with company and we found ourselves really wishing we had an actual guest bedroom. Our girls’ bedroom has always doubled as the guest bedroom since it has its own bathroom connected to it, and they have been great sports about giving up their beds and their space for company, however we have thought for quite a while that an upcoming priority would be to convert either the den into a guest bedroom or perhaps the home school room.

Recently one of the rooms in our home that has primarily functioned as a home school room, finally became available for a change in occupancy.  The kids are getting older and there is no longer a need to have an entire room set aside for home schooling, so in September we completely redid that space and we now have a lovely room set aside for any weary travelers that might choose our little home for a resting place. I still need to hang some curtains in there and do a couple of finishing details, but it’s ready for the most part now and I love it. The beautiful bedspread my Mom made graces the foot of the bed.

 

 

One of my favorite things about this space is that our pack -n -play is permanently  set up for our grandchildren, although you can’t see it in these pictures.

Practicing hospitality is something Grandma did with grace and beauty. My Mom took the baton from her and passed it on to her children. We’re excited to have a comfortable, queen size bed and some of the small comforts from home to offer our own guests.

 

 

 

Family and Maternity Photo Shoot

Yesterday I had the honor of doing a photo shoot for this sweet family.

Working with really young kids can be a bit of a challenge as far as getting some really “posed” shots. It’s rare to catch them  looking at the camera at the same time, so I had to get a little creative and allow them to be their wiggly, young, explorative selves. This photo shoot was so much fun!

I hope you enjoy the shots as much as I enjoyed taking them.

 

      

 

 

      

 

 

    

 

 

     

Creating Family Unity Through Camping

For many children, school has let out for the summer and our kids are wrapping up the main aspects of the school year, although they will continue to do some daily academics through the month of June and part of July. We like to keep their skills honed and their memories sharpened so we don’t have to do as much review in the fall. Also, a semblance of structure helps keep our home peaceful. We are taking a break for a  few days, though and heading out on a tent camping trip. I’m looking forward to getting away, unplugging and enjoying nature with my family. I have many fond memories of camping trips throughout my childhood and we have taken our kids camping many times throughout the years as well. We always come home refreshed and thankful for our warm beds, easy living comforts, a washer and dryer, hot showers etc. Sometimes roughing it a little bit puts things in perspective. It also causes me to realize how many blessings I take for granted and how many blessings I have to count and thank God for.

I have to be honest. I don’t enjoy preparing for camping. It’s a lot of work for me and it is so easy to forget necessary items. As a child, I loved camping and the freedom it gave my brothers and me, to run, ride our bikes, swim etc. and enjoy different responsibilities from the norm. As an adult, I now realize just how much my parents sacrificed in order to take us on camping trips. Now that the kids are older, the preparations are easier because they are capable of helping.

I was thinking about the benefits of camping the other day. I don’t think I’ve ever been on a camping trip that didn’t have at least  some discomfort included in the fun,  if not an all out catastrophe or two…..like unexpected electrical storms, including a drenched tent, along with everything and everyone in it or the shock of a cold shower after a night spent freezing in the tent. It seems like our selfishness rules and reigns more readily when we are in uncomfortable situations and bad attitudes prevail. Arguments ensue and frustrations can seem endless. These experiences seem so challenging and irritating at the moment, but the lessons learned and the memories made are priceless.

Camping trips provide great family and marriage bonding opportunities because of the team work that is necessary. Setting up the tent is a family affair and not an easy one with the challenges of setting up a ten person tent and little ones running under foot. Keeping the tent clean takes group effort as does cooking, clean up, and re-grouping for a hiking trip or fishing or swimming or whatever activity is on the day’s agenda. It seems like we spend an exorbitant amount of time simply organizing everyone so we can actually go do something together. At the end of the day, though, there is beauty in the difficulties because we each learn more about ourselves and we are faced with obvious areas of growth we need to pursue individually. Rich and I get a clear picture of character issues that need to be addressed in our kids and in ourselves and we also see a clear picture of the growth, changes and maturity that each of us has developed since the last camping trip. The uninterrupted family time is a treasure and even though it’s tough to rough it….at least we choose campgrounds with bathrooms, showers and electricity in those bathrooms. 🙂 I’m not quite as rugged as some of my friends who like to hike way into the deep wilderness and camp without so much as an outhouse. While I admire them, unless I’m forced to rough it to that extent, I wouldn’t volunteer for the experience.

I’m looking forward to the beauty of the mountains and the lake, the woods and trails. I love hiking with my family, relaxed moments of reading in the sunshine, listening to my husband read to the family from the Bible while enjoying the beauty of God’s creation, sitting around the campfire singing, playing games, outdoor cooking, fun snacks we don’t consume on a regular basis, being together as a family in the tent….laughing, telling jokes, waking up all together, and even all the work it takes to do it all.

I love seizing the moments through the lens of my camera and I can’t wait to capture more precious moments with my family….good and bad….on this trip. I’m off to charge my camera battery and get the packing done.

Summer memories from last year

 

 

 

 

What’s Your Grid?

How do you deal with confrontation? Do you get your feelings hurt easily, or do most things people say and do, good or bad, sort of roll off you like water off a duck’s back? Do you prefer plenty of social interaction, or is your preference to have plenty of solitude? Do you enjoy a good argument and feel empowered and refreshed by it, or do you avoid conflict at all costs? Do you process verbally, or internally? Do you like to work alone or in a group? For some people, these questions can be answered with a black and white yes or no, but for others the answer lies somewhere in the balance.

I find the study of personality types fascinating. I love to learn about what makes people tick. There are so many differences in each individual. Each of us is unique and although we may share similarities, interests and talents with some people, our perception of life and they way we process experiences and communicate may be very different.

I recently took a personality test that actually pegged me better than any I’ve taken before. It’s the Meyers Briggs test. I was impressed with the outcome. I tend to be drawn to very strong, dominate, take charge, thick skinned, highly competitive personality types…..which is the opposite of the way I am wired. For example, I’ll meet someone and find out they write, or sing, or are into health and fitness, cooking, home schooling or photography and I’ll think it’s awesome that we have interests/talents in common and I visualize us possibly combining our talents and enjoying the commonality. Later on down the road, I’ll find out they think I am competing with them when in my mind I was simply relating to them on a common level. Suddenly their actions toward me change and it becomes apparent that they view me as a threat and I’m left scratching my head trying to figure out what happened.

Somebody once told me I am emotionally fragile and the way it was communicated was not in a positive sense, but rather like an attack on my character. The more I study personality types, the less I am bothered by accusations such as this because what she actually observed is a difference in our personalities, rather than a fatal flaw in my character. Some personality types struggle to understand a different personality grid and just don’t get that differences are not necessarily negative. They’re just different. In fact, criticism of others who are different is very destructive. A more factual, thick skinned, less sensitive personality may feel frustrated by someone who is sensitive, tender and compassionate because they don’t know what to do with all that emotion and need for depth in relationships, while a sensitive individual often feels unsafe and unable to communicate the important stuff with the more dominate wiring. Thicker skinned personalities are often very factual and verbally aggressive. They can annihilate their more sensitive counterparts in seconds and shut them down, but they don’t necessarily realize their strengths are also their weaknesses since this aggression can be very destructive to relationships. On the other hand the more tender, feeling oriented personality’s strength of compassion and sensitivity can also be their weakness. Consequently they can benefit from learning to take things less seriously when communicated by their thick skinned opposites. They can learn to ask questions, rather than internalize the messages that can be so damaging to them and possibly help the less sensitive learn to become a little more thoughtful and careful. The unperceiving aspect to the factual personality can be their biggest weakness in relationships. This personality type needs to learn how to watch for signs and body language as they can be considered by many to be blunt, merciless, unperceiving, unfeeling, unreasoning and offend many without even being aware. Every personality type has weaknesses and strengths and no personality test is perfect, but by taking some of these tests and applying honesty when examining your own temperament, you may find an increased ability to relate to others in a healthier way.

“Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person.” Colossians 4:6

The greatest commandment in the Bible is to love one another. Since love is a command, it is both an action and a feeling. Sometimes we need to take action by showing care to people we don’t understand even though it’s difficult to do. Seeking to understand others takes work. It takes good listening skills. It takes time. It involves asking lots of questions in order to really gain that understanding. It means lowering our defenses, getting rid of criticism and creating a safe, loving, gentle environment. it also means keeping in mind that we are not perfect and we are capable of hurting others, so we have no business criticizing or condemning others who are different than us. It’s easy during conflict to lose all sense compassion, especially when we are hurt, but that’s when it’s most important to slow down and be careful with our words and body language.

So, I took the personality test and INFJ was the result. This stands for: Introverted, Intuitive, Feeling, Judging. If you would like to know more about what that means, you can read about it here.

Below is a basic overview of each personality type from this particular test.

 

My factual friend perceived the feeling aspect of my personality as a negative thing by saying I am emotionally fragile. She missed the positive quality God created me with because we are wired so very differently and it’s difficult to bridge that gap. It is actually both a strength and a weakness for me. In light of this,I found this particular part of my personality description rather interesting:

“INFJs are deeply concerned about their relations with individuals as well as the state of humanity at large. They are, in fact, sometimes mistaken for extroverts because they appear so outgoing and are so genuinely interested in people — a product of the Feeling function they most readily show to the world. On the contrary, INFJs are true introverts, who can only be emotionally intimate and fulfilled with a chosen few from among their long-term friends, family, or obvious “soul mates.” While instinctively courting the personal and organizational demands continually made upon them by others, at intervals INFJs will suddenly withdraw into themselves, sometimes shutting out even their intimates. This apparent paradox is a necessary escape valve for them, providing both time to rebuild their depleted resources and a filter to prevent the emotional overload to which they are so susceptible as inherent “givers.” As a pattern of behavior, it is perhaps the most confusing aspect of the enigmatic INFJ character to outsiders, and hence the most often misunderstood — particularly by those who have little experience with this rare type.”

Since most people would peg me as an extrovert, this is another interesting aspect to my personality that I found to resonate with what I know to be true about me:

“Usually self-expression comes more easily to INFJs on paper, as they tend to have strong writing skills. Since in addition they often possess a strong personal charisma, INFJs are generally well-suited to the “inspirational” professions such as teaching (especially in higher education) and religious leadership. Psychology and counseling are other obvious choices, but overall, INFJs can be exceptionally difficult to pigeonhole by their career paths. Perhaps the best example of this occurs in the technical fields. Many INFJs perceive themselves at a disadvantage when dealing with the mystique and formality of “hard logic”, and in academic terms this may cause a tendency to gravitate towards the liberal arts rather than the sciences. However, the significant minority of INFJs who do pursue studies and careers in the latter areas tend to be as successful as their T counterparts, as it is *iNtuition* — the dominant function for the INFJ type — which governs the ability to understand abstract theory and implement it creatively.”

I was astounded while reading the details to the INFJ personality type because it helped me realize I am an introvert….not an extrovert and it explains so well why communication with certain people is very difficult for me, while with others who are soft and gentle and accepting in their expression unlock my ability to articulate well verbally. It also explains why I do not aspire to become a public speaker, although I would be willing to rise to the occasion, should an opportunity present itself to communicate something I have a passion for and feel compelled to address. I definitely communicate much better in writing than in person as it takes time for me to process and examine what is being said. I initially respond on feeling and it takes time to turn it around and connect it to fact. Therefore, my initial responses are usually what my daughter refers to as a “rough draft” and I don’t do well in conflict with aggressive, verbal, critical and insensitive communicators. I can’t count the times I have been cut off in the middle of expressing something difficult, by a more aggressive communicator who thinks they already know what I’m trying to say and react harshly as a result. They missed the point completely in those moments and shut down my ability to express what I was really trying to convey.

For personalities that are  less sensitive, heavier on the judging scale and more take charge, the sensitive nature of someone who is more feeling oriented could be very irritating and difficult to understand, just as the opposite is true for a sensitive personality. Communicating with a different personality grid can feel impossible if there is no understanding of and allowance for the differences in each individual.

Understanding your personality type and studying the various other personality types is beneficial as it can help bring understanding to relationships that otherwise might seem impossible. It can help us better love one another and care for each other in a way that may not come naturally. It is an excellent tool in marriage, as well as parenting, teaching, grandparenting and in the work place. As a home schooling mom, understanding and embracing the various personalities in our home helps me know how to approach each child effectively and in my marriage, it allows me to understand how best to communicate with my husband and express care on a level that means the most to him.

I leave you with a couple of visuals about the different personality types that I find rather interesting.

Mother’s Day Musings

Mother’s Day

Somehow it brings feelings of expectation and I don’t know about other moms, but I fight it every year. This year, I really felt convicted that my focus needs to change. It’s not really about me….it’s about celebrating my Mom and the beautiful children and grandchildren God has given me. I knew I wouldn’t hear from my oldest daughter yesterday, so I was prepared for that, but I wasn’t prepared to be assaulted by an invitation to my own personal pity party. It showed up in the afternoon, after church and in the form of emptiness. We had enjoyed a quick lunch and after the hustle and bustle of the morning had passed, I was sitting in the sun when hot tears showed up, uninvited. It happened during a quiet moment after I saw all the sweet things people were saying about their mothers on social media……and there were no messages for me. My other grown daughter honors me on a daily basis and we share a very special friendship. She is a very busy mother to five children of her own and an excellent one, at that. I really had no expectations at all regarding hearing from her on Mother’s Day, but sincerely  hoped she would be honored and blessed by her family. I really didn’t want her to have to worry about “me” on Mother’s Day, but to enjoy her husband and her children. She had wished me a happy Mother’s Day in a text earlier in the day, but somehow, unexpectedly,  I felt a stinging stab of disappointment that there was nothing more. No special mother’s day dinner, or visit from grandchildren, or anything out of the ordinary, really. Yeah….I know, pretty pathetic. A few minutes earlier, the kids had been fighting over who “had” to clean the kitchen after lunch while I was busy trying to get all the food prepared for the afternoon meal, ahead of time, so we could maybe go for a walk or something without having to rush. I had visualized all of us working together in the kitchen, prepping the meal, but instead, the kitchen was a mess and the kids were fighting. As I sat in the sun, feeling the warmth of it on my face, my littlest guy came out and plopped himself down next to me, chattering away. He told me he loved me. He climbed up in my lap for a snuggle, all the while talking about whatever came to his mind and peppering the conversation with “I love you, Mommy” and “Happy Mother’s Day.” His rosy cheeks and happy grin were so bright and alive with the joy of life. My husband came out, sat down behind me and began massaging my neck and shoulders. He wanted to know what I would like to do for the rest of the day and if there was any particular movie I might want to watch with the family later. God was the only one who was aware of my pity party and He met me right there through my husband and my little boy. I suddenly felt rather foolish for the selfishness that had invaded my thoughts a few minutes before and I knew my focus had once again, gotten way off track. As I sat there with my head on my sweet man’s lap, feeling the comfort of his strong hands massaging away the stress that had settled in my shoulders, I felt so loved and cherished. Between his sweet thoughtfulness and Levi’s innocent chatter and cuddles, all that I have to be thankful for was illuminated. We decided to take the kids and our dogs to our favorite place to walk/jog/hike, as a family and enjoy the beautiful, warm, sunshine. I jumped up, feeling rejuvenated and headed in to get ready. When I entered my bathroom, there they were…….the missing mother’s day messages I had been quietly grieving over a few minutes prior.  Taped to my bathroom mirror were the most beautiful, yellow sticky notes I had ever seen! Each one filled with sweet, simple, messages from the kids and there were more on my jewelry box. Noah made me a sweet gift during Sunday School and presented it to me. I was once again reminded that these are the reasons I celebrate Mother’s Day. It’s not about whether or not they notice anything I do for them. It’s not about them celebrating me. It’s not about being fulfilled by them, but rather being grateful FOR them. It really is the simple things that get to my heart. The little acts of kindness, the simple gifts and the gentle hugs, all served their purpose in humbling me and reminding me of where I need to focus. My focus needs to be on God, the Giver of all gifts and not on myself or the gifts themselves. I felt foolish for the few minutes I entertained selfish thoughts as guests at a pity party I really never wanted. It’s amazing how quickly our thoughts can deceive us into feeling sorry for ourselves when we have so much to be grateful for.

“Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. “I Thessalonians 5:18

The rest of the day was wonderful. We walked, jogged, laughed, played and I enjoyed capturing the moments and all the beauty in them, through the lens of my camera.

 

 

I am a country girl at heart….born and raised in a very small town, surrounded by farm land. I spent many happy childhood days on dairy farms and as I have mentioned before, I can’t resist barns and old outbuildings. They hold a certain beauty for me that I can’t even explain.

 

One of the reasons I love this trail is because of the old buildings and the horses with their riders that often share the trail with us.

 

    

  

 

 

  

Toward the end of our hike, we climbed the little hill, rounded a corner, and the kids could hear the creek. Woops of excitement filled the air. Every single one of them, teens included, let go of all their usual inhibitions and played in the creek like they were six years old again. It was the most beautiful scene and the air was filled with the treasured sounds of my children’s voices laughing and squealing and loving life. This will be one of the sweetest Mother’s Day memories for me. I know that there are only a few more years left with all five of these kids in our home and days like this Mother’s Day are to be treasured and cherished. Watching them play was like drinking an ice cold glass of water on a hot summer day. It filled my cup to overflowing.

 

Nobody’s hair was combed. Everyone was scrubbed out in comfy, old clothes and nobody cared.

   

Our beautiful Golden Girls had a great time chasing sticks and playing in the water. Water for them, is like heaven for us.

    

 

 

My Treasures and me. 🙂

  

Natalie took a few pics of her Daddy and me. I’m sporting my “big hair” look…evidence of a the wind playing hairdresser. When the wind finishes it’s work, the end product is something similar to Bozo the Clown. This is part of who I am and although it’s not my favorite look, it is the look of a carefree and fun day, so I am going with it. 🙂

After a simply lovely day in the fresh air and sunshine, we grilled up some delicious, organic cheeseburgers and ate them with sautéed mushrooms and apples, home made guacamole, and a delicious pesto Caprese salad.

My Mother’s Day gifts

When I woke up the next morning, my daughter, Brandi had posted this photo collage with me holding her as a little toddler, me with her daughter, Hailee and a picture of all of my kids together a few years ago. She posted it along with the most beautiful words written to me, and her mothers-in-law (she has been blessed with two of them). I was and am, completely humbled.

“I’ve been so afraid of wishing my mothers a public happy Mother’s Day in fear I wouldn’t be able to stop writing! But here it goes anyway, so bear with me All 3 of these women have been single moms at one point or another, endured abuse of different sorts, worked jobs they hated in order to provide for their children, made painful sacrifices, pushed through counseling, and rose above it all. Mom, you have went above and beyond the call of motherhood. You have not been perfect, but you have been a constant… You have been unwavering in your faith, in your friendship, and your hospitality. Your relationship with Jesus and how you poured His love into us as children is the reason I am still married today. It is a part of the reason I have 5 beautiful children and one of the reminders to me to “Rise, and shine, and give God the glory” every morning, even when circumstances and society tells me I should be depressed, fearful, insecure, etc. I love you just doesn’t do it justice- I literally have eternal life because of your example of faith, perseverance, and of what a Godly woman looks like. I love that we can hash out the past, even when it is so painful, and grow stronger in Christ together because of the ability to be honest and humble with one another as Christ is so gracious with us. Betti– people’s jaws drop when I tell them you live with us and “it’s a good thing,” because apparently having a good relationship with your mother in law is rare. I remember the very first moment I met you, and how welcoming you were. You have a gift in making people feel safe and comfortable around you. I can’t thank you enough for your support in the marriage to your son, and all the hours you spent on the phone with me when we were struggling and you lived states away. You are a fantastic Oma and a pretty dang good roommate… And when you’re not, we can duke it out over a good yell, cry, and laugh, bahahahaha! Cindy, you astound me. I can’t really describe the love I feel towards you. The lady I first met is not the lady I know today. I am sad that the circumstances that brought us closer together were what they were, but I’m thankful for the relationship that bloomed because of it all. I relate to you on so many levels and have greatly enjoyed our long conversations over the years. Divorce sucks, but I gained one extra kiss a** mother in law because of it;) a diamond in the rough;) I feel a bit spoiled to have 3 wonderful mother figures that I can HONESTLY & truly call my friends.”

“Lay not up for yourselves treasures upon earth, where moth and rust doth corrupt, and where thieves break through and steal” Matt 6:19

I did not deserve such sweet and loving words from my daughter. I can’t tell you how humbled I really am by such a gift from her. I am truly blessed to have the honor of being the mother of seven beautiful blessings.

I leave you with this song about counting your blessings. I love the words.

 

 

Counting my blessings and preaching the Gospel to myself daily…..helps keep my mind and heart in the right place.

Do You Love Like This?

 

Proverbs 31 Ministries

“I’ll never forget the time I met two women who had been friends for 60 years! I loved listening to their stories about school days, family vacations, and everything else these friends had done together.They talked about how they’ve made… their friendship a priority over the years. When they were young they’d all get together for a meal while the kids played. Today they have a date to play cards once a week. They’re both widows now, and count on each other for companionship. If one of them is down, they call the other and say, “I need to get out of the house.” They’re there for each other.My friend Aimy was with me and we talked about how different our generation is. We get so busy and we don’t tend to spend as much time together. We both decided to start getting intentional with our friendships and friendships we have with other families – like planning to get together once a month for dinner and games. The reality is… lifelong friendships don’t just happen. We’ve got to take time to build them.” — Renee SwopeFrom today’s P31 Radio Show, “Everyday Life with Lysa & Renee” — a production of Proverbs 31 MinistriesSee More

This came into my Facebook feed this morning. It’s so profound and it kicked off some thoughts on friendship that have been rolling around in my heart and mind for quite a while now. Friendship is not easy. It’s actually tough…..once you get past the acquaintance part and begin to bump into each other’s sinfulness. I have yet to experience a perfect friendship and I have yet to meet someone who will tell you that I am the perfect friend. So, how do you “do friendship” for over sixty years like these women?They must have loved unconditionally. They must have shown each other grace, time and time again. They must have been careful not to judge each other’s responses/reactions and embraced the uniqueness of personality. They must have embraced each other’s differences. They must have been willing to work through anything that might threaten the foundation of their friendship. They must have worked with the differences in their wiring, instead of fighting because of it. They must have spoken kindly of each other even when there were disagreements or misunderstanding. They must have been good listeners and they must have studied each other’s personality and communication

styles for that kind of friendship to transcend so many decades.How far are you willing to go….in unconditional love for your friends?

A Biblical View of Friendship

These verses all work together and to sum it all up in short, biblical friendship might look something like this: True friendship is committed to love….unconditionally. Rebukes are sometimes necessary and a rebuke should always be given in honesty with love and right motives. Be careful who you choose as a friend. Love is sacrificial. Love is selfless and builds others up. Love never brings up the past as an accusation because a true friend is trustworthy and loyal. If the past must be brought up, it should be done for the best interest of that friend with the right motive, not to take the spotlight off of yourself if you have been confronted about something you don’t want to deal with. A true friend will be honest, because that friend loves and cares unconditionally. A true friend desires to help another grow and will accept honest rebuke from a friend. Iron sharpens iron. A true friend is committed and will walk through the good, the bad and the ugly in friendship. True friendship provides a safe haven for honesty and openness in communication. A true friend allows another to be real and candid without feeling threatened. To extend the true hand of friendship we must show ourselves friendly. We must provide a safe place for others to be real, open and honest with us. True friendship is not competitive. It seeks to build up another, not tear them down. It is not threatened by the talents of another, but rather, sees beauty in those talents even if the talents are shared by both.

If you have found a friend like this, you have found a treasure. This is the kind of friend I’m asking God to help me become. I want to see others through his eyes rather than through my own limited perception. I want to love others even when they aren’t loveable and even when they are unkind, yet there is a balance and we are to guard our hearts. In other words, this is something I can’t do on my own, but only through the empowering work of the Holy Spirit in my life. This is why marriage is so wonderful. My husband and I are committed to each other. We made a covenant before God to love each other unconditionally and this means we work through the good, the bad and the ugly because we are committed to do just that.  My commitment to God is what gives me the drive to grow in my ability to love others. His love is perfect and His commitment is eternal. Allowing Him to define who I am also gives Him the ability to sand off the rough edges, dredge up the dirt in my heart and re-shape my heart to look more like His.

Proverbs 18:24

A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.

• Proverbs 22:24-25

  Do not make friends with a hot-tempered man, do not associate with one easily angered,  or you may learn his ways and get yourself ensnared.

• Proverbs 27:5-6

  Better is open rebuke than hidden love.  Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses.

• Ecclesiastes 4:9-10

  Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work:  If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!

• John 15:12-15

  My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you.  Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.  You are my friends if you do what I command.  I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you.

• Proverbs 17:17

  A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.

• Proverbs 13:20

  He who walks with the wise grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm.

• Proverbs 27:17

  As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.

• Proverbs 12:26

  A righteous man is cautious in friendship, but the way of the wicked leads them astray.

• James 4:4

  You adulterous people, don’t you know that friendship with the world is hatred toward God? Anyone who chooses to be a friend of the world becomes an enemy of God.

• Job 29:4-6

  Oh, for the days when I was in my prime, when God’s intimate friendship blessed my house,  when the Almighty was still with me and my children were around me,  when my path was drenched with cream and the rock poured out for me streams of olive oil.

• Job 16:20-21

  My intercessor is my friend as my eyes pour out tears to God;  on behalf of a man he pleads with God as a man pleads for his friend.

Can God Really Be Trusted?

When I first became a mother, over twenty-eight years ago, I never dreamed that I would welcome my first grandchild into our family before I was finished having babies of my own.

I had my life all planned out. I was going to have all of my children while I was in my twenties. I wanted a total of four kids and then after they were raised and I was comfortably in my forties, my husband and I could retire and play. I could flit from house to house visiting my kids and grandkids, be available to help with them, have them over to my house for play dates and in between times, be involved in the church and in music, do a little writing on the side and travel with my husband.

Things didn’t exactly work out according to my plans. It seems God had a much different plan for my life than the one I had envisioned. I’m glad His plan was different because honestly, it’s a lot better and more exciting than the plans I thought I wanted for my life. To begin with, I didn’t have four kids.  In fact, I had a step daughter and then gave birth to two beautiful little girls. After twelve years of marriage to their Dad, that union ended in divorce due to abuse and infidelity on his part. It was heart breaking, to say the least and forever changed the path I thought I was heading down. So….how is that better than my own plans? Well….it’s obviously not the end of the story and the story still isn’t over. I see my life as a portrait that God is painting and He is an excellent artist. He understands the variations of color and texture that are necessary to the finished product. He paints things into His masterpieces that most of us wouldn’t even consider because sometimes that means a little sacrifice, more effort and time. Sometimes it means using colors we don’t like.

When we view life through rose colored glasses, the view is free of debris and the path to good fortune and success is clear, but when that unrealistic view of life is removed, we observe a greater depth to the portrait of our lives. The darker hues produced by pain, trials and tribulations, provide a much richer, overall portrait with greater meaning. It is typical in the youth of our lives, to view our future from a rosy perspective with unrealistic dreams and plans. I don’t know of anyone who would willingly choose the dark colors, broken edges and unintended smudges that make up part of their life portrait. Yet, the character and discernment, compassion, faith and understanding that are created out of the messy parts of life, are the very thing that bring the depth of beauty to the finished masterpiece.

When I got married, I committed before God and several witnesses to a life long covenant. In other words, I got married to stay married, forever. I would have never chosen to enter into such a horrible marriage.. I had no idea before we said “I do” that I was stepping into such a nightmare. I had no idea how to get out of it, once I was in it. I didn’t even want to get out of it. I wanted to fix it. But….I didn’t have the power to do that. After eleven and a half years, I realized the marriage had been dead since right after it was birthed….that every vow had been broken, repeatedly and there was no repentance for the damage that had been done. I finally took a shovel, dug the grave and lowered the coffin of our dead marriage into the ground and placed the dirt back on top.

Divorce is as painful as grieving a death. It really is….and it isn’t something I ever thought I would have to face, but I did face it and I came through it stronger and more discerning. I came through it with bruises and scars that remind me of the great battle I fought and that sometimes fighting battles takes courage above and beyond what we naturally have. God was there with me through every step. He was there through every single tear. He understood every single horrific moment and the pain of the heart of a wife who has been scorned, trampled on, cheated on and gossiped about.  He protected me through it all. He showed His faithfulness to me time and time again, in stark contrast to the faithlessness my husband had practiced. God showed His justice in the entire process and His protection over me. He filled me with peace. He brought laughter back into my life. He showed me that I am His treasure and that I am to be cherished and He reminded me of just how deep His love for me really is because His Son, Jesus went to the cross to pay for my sin.

After the divorce, I fell prey to the victim mentality. I lost sight of my own sinful heart and what I am capable of because I was so deeply injured and abused and betrayed. I wanted him to hurt for what he did to the kids and me. I wanted him to have no relationship, whatsoever, with our kids because he hurt them too and he was still hurting them and not only that, but he used them to hurt me. I was powerless to protect my kids from him and I was angry about it. It took a long time for me to see my own heart and what was in there. Over the years, the Lord has helped me peal back layer after layer of my heart and dredge up all the junk, the hurt and the pain and lay it all at the foot of the cross. He has helped me work through the anger and be willing to let it go and be willing to forgive him if he ever does truly seek forgiveness. He has healed me with His unconditional love and has shown me that I received forgiveness for a debt I could have never repaid to Him because of the gift of salvation through His only son. He reminded me that Jesus came to this earth as a helpless baby….God…in the most humble form, came to this earth to save His very own creation. He was born in a cave and laid in an animal’s feeding trough. He walked this earth for over thirty years. He was abused, tortured, spit on, betrayed and ultimately suffered death on a cross. Jesus understood my pain because He suffered even more than I ever did….yet without sin. The kids and I suffered abuse, betrayal and humiliation and I wanted him to pay for what he did to us. Jesus didn’t look for revenge on those who hurt him and killed him. His attitude was one of compassion. He said “Father, forgive them for they know not what they do.”  I don’t serve a Savior who doesn’t understand the pain in this world. I serve One who has walked this earth and has felt every pain known to man…..and He was betrayed by not only Judas Iscariot, but by the very people He created! He understands the pain in the hearts of parents of prodigal children more than anyone else. He understands all of the pain and agony that we suffer in this world and He also asks us to be willing to forgive others for the pain they inflict on us, because we are ALL capable of hurting others. He is the only One who walked this earth without sin. Romans 8:28 says “For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” It also says in I John 1:9 “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”

God did cleanse me when I confessed my sins to Him and He forgave me. I stand clean before Him because of His saving grace. He set me free from my own sinful desire to retaliate against someone who hurt me and has replaced that anger and hatred with love and compassion. He has helped me see that really, I am no better. I am just as capable of hurting others, whether it’s intentional or not.

God also gave me a new husband, over sixteen years ago now. Together we have been blessed with five more children. Rich isn’t perfect and I’m not perfect, but we are perfect for each other. God has used Rich’s steady, strong personality to provide the security I needed for the healing of my heart and to provide the ability to trust again. Rich’s ability to laugh and be playful has made our marriage fun. His corny sense of humor matches up with mine perfectly. He is a devoted, loving husband who pays his bills, works hard, shows compassion, is generous and self controlled. He would rather be with the kids and me than anywhere else or with anyone else. He is loyal, faithful, honest, challenges me to grow, yet loves me as I am. He accepts and appreciates it when I challenge him too. He desires my opinion on things, and we genuinely enjoy each other’s company. He is a very devoted father and a great teacher. He enjoys being with the kids and spends time connecting with them regularly. The part I love the most about my husband, though, is his love for God. He takes studying the Bible seriously and that is the most important part of his day.

God not only blessed me with a wonderful husband and five more amazing kids, but he also has given us eight grandblessings. As I said in the beginning, I never would have dreamed I would have grandchildren before I was out of the childbearing season of my own life, but I did. In fact, my second oldest daughter and I were pregnant at the same time with my last baby and her first baby born eight weeks apart. My grandson is older than my youngest son. THAT is a concept I couldn’t have wrapped my head around while I was still looking at life through my rose colored glasses, but it has been an amazing journey, for which I am very thankful.

Just look at all the colors in the portrait of my life. God is a much better artist than me and His plans are always better than ours. God didn’t give me four kids….instead He gave me a total of seven beautiful kids and eight grandchildren, so far. He didn’t give me kids just while I was in my twenties in accordance with my plan. Instead, there was an eleven and a half year break after the first two kids and I had more babies in my thirties and forties. That’s something else I would have never even considered when I was drawing up what I thought was the perfect blue print for my life….having babies in my thirties and forties? Are you kidding me? I would have thought that was just plain crazy when I was making it all up. It is crazy….a wonderful kind of crazy and it’s the perfect kind of crazy for our family.

My husband and I don’t travel really, at least not in the way I visualized it,  but when we do get away, we usually take the kids and make wonderful memories with them.

Just look at all these precious faces. These pictures are a mixture of my grandchildren and my children. They are growing up together, making memories and doing school together. It’s rich. It’s beautiful. And it’s something I couldn’t have dreamed up myself. It’s a completely different story than the one I would have written….and it’s amazing.

I do get to help with my grandchildren, and they do come to my house for play dates, but they spend most of the time playing with their aunties and uncles, rather than the quiet, serene pictures I visualized of them hanging out solely with their Papa and Nama…..and it’s a beautiful thing. It’s rich, it’s loud, it’s crazy and it’s lovely.

“Trust in the LORD with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight. Do not be wise in your own eyes; Fear the LORD and turn away from evil.” Proverbs 3:5-7

The gift of trust is one of the most precious blessings I have gleaned from God’s hand. He has shown me that He can be fully trusted. He gives good gifts. He keeps me in the palm of His hand through the tough times and He gives me moments of rest when life is hard and He uses those hard times. He wastes nothing….ever.

“And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose. For those whom He foreknew, He also predestined to become conformed to the image of His Son, so that He would be the firstborn among many brethren; and these whom He predestined, He also called; and these whom He called, He also justified; and these whom He justified, He also glorified.

What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who is against us? He who did not spare His own Son, but delivered Him over for us all, how will He not also with Him freely give us all things? Who will bring a charge against God’s elect? God is the one who justifies; who is the one who condemns? Christ Jesus is He who died, yes, rather who was raised, who is at the right hand of God, who also intercedes for us. Who will separate us from the love of Christ? Will tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?

Just as it is written,

“FOR YOUR SAKE WE ARE BEING PUT TO DEATH ALL DAY LONG; WE WERE CONSIDERED AS SHEEP TO BE SLAUGHTERED.”

But in all these things we overwhelmingly conquer through Him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 8:28-39

The Worship Of Food

“Why can’t we just be normal kids, like everybody else?”

“What do you mean, I asked?”

“Well, all the other kids drink pop and eat whatever they want, but we can’t. I feel so awkward like everybody thinks we’re the weird kids who can’t eat pizza and drink pop or have any sugar.”

“Exactly what do you mean by “all the other kids,” I queried?”

“Well, you know….everywhere we go the kids eat everything like chips, pop, donuts, cookies, cakes, candies, bread, sandwiches and they don’t think anything of it. It’s not a big deal to them. It’s just normal life, but we are so limited and it’s not fair and they don’t understand why we won’t eat it. I mean, they’re just trying to be nice to us and we have to say no.”

I understand my children’s frustration and I validated the complaints. It is hard to stand apart. It is difficult to be different and it’s especially challenging when you are young and can’t see the value in it, or fully understand the “why” behind it.

As a mom, I find it difficult to see my kids struggle like this and yet I understand that life is full of struggles and if we face them and press into them, viewing them as opportunities for growth, those struggles can also be a character building gift.  It’s hard to know exactly what to say to our kids when they hurt and don’t understand the tough things in life. I’m certainly not the mom with all the perfect answers like Ma on Little House on the Prairie. I don’t have a pre-planned script prepared for the challenges life brings, but I do have the Bible and it is full of wisdom and guidance to help us navigate the rough waters in life.

If the truth is told, I really relate more to this mom:

This morning I woke up to a quiet house. All the kids were still sleeping (a rare occurrence) and I decided to let them sleep. As a result I had about an hour of quite time to meet with God alone and uninterrupted. It was an amazing, sweet hour and the rich nuggets of gold I came away with are priceless. I wasn’t even thinking about the above conversation when I sat down to read. I was simply following my chronological Bible study plan, but God knew I needed wisdom far beyond my own and He supplied it.

When the kids got up, we gathered around the breakfast table for some delicious gluten free, egg free pancakes with mixed berries (see, we really are weird, ha!) and I shared with them, what I read this morning.

I’m currently in the book of Numbers and today the chapter that stood out to me the most, is chapter eleven. Beginning in verse one, it says: “And the people complained in the hearing of the Lord about their misfortunes and when the Lord heard it, his anger was kindled and the fire of the Lord burned among them and consumed some outlying parts of the camp.”

Wow! That seems a little harsh, doesn’t it? Do you know what they were complaining about?  Food. There were a few people that the Bible refers to as “the rabble” dispersed throughout the group and they were unhappy. They had a craving for something other than manna and forgot that it was God who supplied that manna miraculously every single day for them.  They didn’t have to go out and hunt it down, or butcher it or work the soil or trim trees or any other form of hard work in order to get it. All they had to do was gather it and prepare it.

In verses 7-11, The Biblical description of manna sounds pleasing to the eye and delicious in flavor. It says: “Now the manna was like coriander seed, and its appearance like that of bdellium. ⁸ The people went about and gathered it and ground it in hand mills or beat it in mortars and boiled it in pots and made cakes of it. And the taste of it was like the taste of cakes baked with oil. ⁹ When the dew fell upon the camp in the night, the manna fell with it.”

Matthew Henry’s commentary says this: “While they lived on manna, they seemed to be exempt from the curse which sin has brought on man that in the sweat of his face shall he eat bread. And yet they speak of manna with such scorn, as if it were not good enough to be meat for swine.”

Proverbs 23: 1-3 says: “When you sit down to eat with a ruler,
observe carefully what^[a] is before you,
² and put a knife to your throat
if you are given to appetite.
³ Do not desire his delicacies,
for they are deceptive food.”

This reminds me of all the pop, cakes, candies, cookies, rich breads etc. in our society today. There is absolutely no nutritional value in any of it, but it is highly addictive. It’s deceptive because it looks like it will taste amazing and often it does, but it also destroys our bodies when consumed on a regular basis.

Matthew Henry also goes on to say this: “The children of Israel, a people near to God and highly privileged, yet drawn into rebellion against him.”

The people complained out of lust for other food. Instead of seeing the delicious, amazing food that was packed full of everything they needed nutritionally and that God faithfully provided for them as a blessing, they lusted after what they couldn’t have and became angry at God for not providing it.

They even went on to complain that they were better off in Egypt! “Now the rabble that was among them had a strong craving. And the people of Israel also wept again and said, “Oh that we had meat to eat! ⁵ We remember the fish we ate in Egypt that cost nothing, the cucumbers, the melons, the leeks, the onions, and the garlic. ⁶ But now our strength is dried up, and there is nothing at all but this manna to look at.” Numbers 11:4-6

This complaint is extremely offensive because they did not give God the credit for delivering them out of slavery. They forgot the brick and mortar and the back breaking work they were forced to do in Egypt and they forgot the beatings they took and the oppression they lived under day after day in order to even get a little bit of food. They acted as though they had an abundance of fancy treats for free. They behaved as though they had left “Easy Street” for a rough desert experience with no blessings and inadequate provision. They had their teeth set for meat and they were angry because they didn’t get their way.

Philippians 2:1-18 has this to say: So if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy, ² complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind. ³ Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. ⁴ Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. ⁵ Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus,^{[a] 6} who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, ⁷ but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant,^[b] being born in the likeness of men. ⁸ And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. ⁹ Therefore God has highly exalted him and bestowed on him the name that is above every name, ¹⁰ so that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, ¹¹ and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father¹² Therefore, my beloved, as you have always obeyed, so now, not only as in my presence but much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling, ¹³ for it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure.

¹⁴ Do all things without grumbling or disputing, ¹⁵ that you may be blameless and innocent, children of God without blemish in the midst of a crooked and twisted generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world, ¹⁶ holding fast to the word of life, so that in the day of Christ I may be proud that I did not run in vain or labor in vain. ¹⁷ Even if I am to be poured out as a drink offering upon the sacrificial offering of your faith, I am glad and rejoice with you all. ¹⁸ Likewise you also should be glad and rejoice with me.

It seems God takes complaining very seriously. His own Son, being in very nature, God, humbled himself to death for US. He was beaten, scorned, tortured and hated by the very people He created….and guess what?  He didn’t utter one single complaint. He went through all of that for us without complaining. And what do we do? We complain and complain and complain about the very provision He gives us to take care of us.

Psalm 78:17-31 says:

“Yet they sinned still more against him,
rebelling against the Most High in the desert.
¹⁸ They tested God in their heart
by demanding the food they craved.
¹⁹ They spoke against God, saying,
“Can God spread a table in the wilderness?
²⁰ He struck the rock so that water gushed out
and streams overflowed.
Can he also give bread
or provide meat for his people?”

²¹ Therefore, when the Lord heard, he was full of wrath;
a fire was kindled against Jacob;
his anger rose against Israel,
²² because they did not believe in God
and did not trust his saving power.
²³ Yet he commanded the skies above
and opened the doors of heaven,
²⁴ and he rained down on them manna to eat
and gave them the grain of heaven.
²⁵ Man ate of the bread of the angels;
he sent them food in abundance.
²⁶ He caused the east wind to blow in the heavens,
and by his power he led out the south wind;
²⁷ he rained meat on them like dust,
winged birds like the sand of the seas;
²⁸ he let them fall in the midst of their camp,
all around their dwellings.
²⁹ And they ate and were well filled,
for he gave them what they craved.
³⁰ But before they had satisfied their craving,
while the food was still in their mouths,
³¹ the anger of God rose against them,
and he killed the strongest of them
and laid low the young men of Israel.”

Manna is referred to here in verse 25 as “the bread of angels.”  They rejected the bread of angels. It wasn’t good enough for them. They wanted meat.

In Numbers 11:19-21, God says this to the Israelites: “You shall not eat meat just one day, or two days, or five days, or ten days, or twenty days, but a whole month, until it comes out at your nostrils and becomes loathsome to you, because you have rejected the Lord who is among you and have wept before him, saying, “Why did we come out of Egypt?”

God makes good on his promise in verses 31-35: “Then a wind from the Lord sprang up, and it brought quail from the sea and let them fall beside the camp, about a day’s journey on this side and a day’s journey on the other side, around the camp, and about two cubits^[a] above the ground. ³² And the people rose all that day and all night and all the next day, and gathered the quail. Those who gathered least gathered ten homers.^[b] And they spread them out for themselves all around the camp. ³³ While the meat was yet between their teeth, before it was consumed, the anger of the Lord was kindled against the people, and the Lord struck down the people with a very great plague. ³⁴ Therefore the name of that place was called Kibroth-hattaavah,^[c] because there they buried the people who had the craving. ³⁵ From Kibroth-hattaavah the people journeyed to Hazeroth, and they remained at Hazeroth.”

Did you catch that?  Once again God showed his miraculous power and ability to provide, but this time it was for the purpose of punishment. The instigators of this great sin were struck down while eating what they craved. “While the meat was yet between their teeth, before it was consumed.”

God takes the sin of complaining seriously and we should too.  We spread poison when we complain and it is offensive to God.

If you think about it, when you give something freely to someone as a gift and they complain that they don’t like it, how do you feel about that? Do you feel hurt or offended?  We are made in the image of God and this is why that kind of ungrateful behavior offends us too.  It hurts to be rejected and especially when the gift you gave was for their own benefit.

Sometimes we don’t realize we have been given a gift because our eyes aren’t yet open to the value of it.  Some of our younger kids don’t realize that the healthy lifestyle we are providing them with will benefit them long term. They can only see “now” and think about satisfying their desire to be accepted by their peers right now. They can only see the desire to satisfy their craving for those foods right now. They don’t yet comprehend the long term effects of eating an unhealthy diet on a regular basis.  They don’t understand how much damage those foods would do to their bodies even if they weren’t allergic to them, let alone the extreme damage that happens when things they are allergic to hit their system.

We had a really good discussion around the table this morning regarding this subject. I found myself very humbled by their response to what I shared. They are wonderful kids. Really they are. We aren’t perfect parents. In fact I have set the example for complaining many times and I had to admit to that and ask their forgiveness. That’s the beautiful thing about kids….they really are very forgiving and they asked forgiveness too.  We all agree that we are not lacking in anything. Even though we can’t have gluten, processed foods, processed sugar, eggs and soy, that’s not that difficult. We enjoy so many delicious foods that provide the nutrition God designed our bodies to need in order to function at full capacity. Those foods are beautiful and delicious, just like the manna was.

Our job, we all agree, is to be thankful. We know we will stumble and struggle at times, but at least we are all aware of the blessings we have and the ugliness of complaining. We really have nothing to complain about, but we do have a lot to be thankful for and we have each other for support, accountability and encouragement.

How Exercise Can Strengthen Your Marriage

My husband is my best friend.

I was thinking about how much I enjoy his company and all the reasons why.

He makes me laugh. He laughs at my jokes. He challenges me to grow. He is humble and he values my opinion and appreciates my input on many things….some really important and some things that are seemingly insignificant. He is strong. He’s a great leader and he’s also good at following. He’s a fantastic father. He is a hard worker, He has integrity, He is very responsible, supportive, kind, compassionate, caring, self controlled, good with finances (one of us has to be and he’s definitely the “go to guy” in this department), He’s an incredible teacher, has a scholarly mind….loves to learn and is always studying and learning new things. He loves God deeply and has a hunger to really know and understand His Word. Consequently he studies it constantly and I learn a lot from him. We love to sit side by side, reading, studying and exploring what we read together. He cares about what I care about and we enjoy many of the same activities.

One of our passions as a couple is fitness and nutrition.  We workout together several times a week and it’s really fun. We challenge each other, keep each other accountable and we celebrate our victories together. When one of us doesn’t “feel like it,” the other one motivates. We both love to help other people in this capacity as well. We enjoy seeing others reach their fitness and nutrition goals and to help them get motivated.

The other night our son grabbed the camera while we were doing P90X3 together and snapped a few pictures.

We don’t have perfect bodies. We aren’t in our twenties anymore. We don’t do it all perfectly, but we are excited at the progress we have made in the past three years. Cardiovascularly speaking, he is in the best shape he has been in for years, and I’m in the best shape I’ve ever been in. For the first time in my life I have endurance. I can run and enjoy it. I can do push ups, burpees, and many other things I couldn’t do even when I was younger. We started out slowly. We have been consistent and my mind has been open to trying new things instead of getting frustrated and giving up like I did in the past. Rich’s constant support, encouragement, accountability and belief in me have been an amazing gift.

For whatever it’s worth, here are a few pictures of a couple of “Old Fogies” doing P90X3 together.

Getting ready to start

Stretching

Regular push ups from plank

My favorite….weights…

 

Push ups with one leg in the air. I have to go with the improvisation on these due to a weak shoulder, but Rich demonstrates the full meal deal. It’s effective either way and great for your core.

 

Setting up for chin ups. I use the bands and he uses the chin up bar.

 

More of my favorites. Love me some good strength training with weights.

 

 

 

Rich doing staggered push ups and plyo push ups

Working various upper body muscles with weights

 

 

Working upper body and lower body with weights

 

Setting up for pull ups

Working the triceps going to table top with one leg in the air

Another successful workout…..love my workout partner!

Working out together has strengthened our relationship. It brings another aspect to our marriage that is exciting, fun and binds us together even more strongly as a couple. We have a great time picking out each new workout program when we’re ready for one. We enjoy getting strong and healthy at home, but we also love hiking, swimming, and other outdoor activities as a family because one of the perks of daily workouts is that we are able to keep up with our very active kids and grandkids.

Exercise really can help strengthen a marriage if you can find something you can enjoy doing together.  Don’ take my word for it though, give it a try for yourself! After our workouts we often replenish our muscles with our favorite meal of the day.

Check out www.janataft.com for some great workout programs and nutritional products. If you aren’t married, grab an accountability partner for motivation and camaraderie. If you are married, but your spouse isn’t on board, give yourself the gift of good health anyway. Maybe your spouse will see the results and energy you display as you get healthier, and decide to join you. Either way, you won’t regret doing something good for your health.

 

How Complicated Are You?

People are complicated.

Is this good or bad?  It depends on your outlook, I suppose. I think it’s actually really amazing! Each of us is unique. We come into this world with our own set of footprints, hand prints, DNA, personality that may be similar to someone else’s, but never exactly like anyone else.  Physically no two people are exactly alike and although we may think very much like someone else, we do not think exactly like they do.

We each go through life collecting a history of experience that is unique to each of us as individuals. No two people will ever experience the exact same course in life. We may have similar experiences and our paths in this life may take us down roads, across mountains and into valleys that parallel the journey of others, but each journey is different and with each experience, something different is molded into our very nature. Even when two people experience the same exact moment together, what they take away from that experience may be quite different in the way they perceive it and learn from it.

I am fascinated by people and this has driven me to observe relationships over the years, study personality types and take various personality tests. I am fascinated by what makes people tick.

One observation that stands out to me is the fact that communication skills stem from not only our personalities, but from our experiences growing up, the family we were raised in, our position in our family and how we perceive ourselves in relation to what we have been taught, how we have been treated by others and most importantly by our view of God.

Despite our history, personality, family ties and life experiences, the most amazing thing about the way God created us is that we can learn to communicate differently. We can learn to view things from another person’s perspective and we can learn to balance out where we are off balance.  In fact, we are commanded to be kind to one another, to love one another, not to think of ourselves more highly than we ought, to show ourselves friendly, to lay down our lives in service for others, to be gentle, forgiving, compassionate and self-controlled. The Bible is full of guidance and commands regarding how we are to treat others. Since our wiring, experiences and perceptions of things may be very different than someone else’s it is important that we bear this in mind when we communicate. I don’t think anyone “does” friendships or communication perfectly, but we do have a responsibility to love each other.

Five Ways to Provide a Safe Environment for Healthy Relationships

1. Listen actively, don’t make assumptions. Ask questions, gently and with kindness, showing that you are seeking to understand them. Don’t interrupt. Repeat back what you hear to make sure you understand what they have communicated.
2. Soften your body language. Create a safe place for others to be honest and relaxed.
3. Be forthright and gentle “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. The tongue of the wise makes knowledge acceptable, but the mouth of fools spouts folly.…” Proverbs 15:1,2
4. Be a responder, not a reactor. A responder remains calm, even under attack. A reactor will interrupt, respond with anger, make assumptions and create an unsafe environment for effective communication.
5. Celebrate each other’s differences and talents and realize there is no need to compete. Our talents and differences come from God, so even if the same gifts are shared, support and encourage each other’s gifts and do not be threatened by a talent they have that you may share.

Friendship is precious. Treat your friends well and don’t be harsh with them. Be gracious with them and remember you are just as capable of messing up and hurting others as they are of hurting you. You are just as capable of being insensitive or unintentionally offensive as they are. Friendship is a gift to be cherished. Don’t take it for granted or you may find that you have lost something very precious.